Contemporaneous: Chapters 53 – 55
53. I wake because of several things: my mouth’s so dry, the bed’s unfamiliar (and so are all the sounds around me), and there’s this dread that pokes in from last night – so many things are a blur, I’m not sure (and can’t be sure) I didn’t fuck up in some way. That’s drinker’s remorse – that panic that arises in the vacuum of the haze that I’ve done something wrong, that I’ve lost my wallet or something else important, or maybe there’s something that I simply can’t remember, and won’t remember, until cops or somebody comes calling. But some things piece together quickly: Stan, drinking, strip club, stripper’s…
Contemporaneous: Chapters 50 – 51
50. I don’t sleep, because although I’m tired, even unnaturally drowsy, sleeping’s for the contented, and all I can think about now is what I do with myself. Lana’s done. I tried the relationship thing. Gone. It’s not her fault – it’s mine, more than anybody’s, because I’ve grown so intolerant, so bedded in expectation of what won’t work. I can’t do that again, can’t try that again. Hopefully, Lana can find somebody who fills her needs. Work? Blah. I should be encouraged that the CEO, Victoria Ellis, considered me to fill in for Autumn. I should. But it’s not gratifying, which tells me it’s not for me, although some…