Contemporaneous: Chapters 25 – 26
25. Every aspect of my life seeps back in: the weight of my body; the tiredness in my eyes and my muscles; the imbalance in my mind, thoughts too quick; the way the nerve damage has scrunched up my right foot, and the break welded the ankle until it’s almost fused; and then the dissonance, of feeling I’m not fitting, and unsure what comes next. But that’s different, like feeling the onset of a bug, feeling it gradually worsen, feeling it become incapacitating, but that now happens so quickly, almost instantaneously, and only in feeling it come on do I know how far removed I am from whatever I shouldn’t…
Contemporaneous: Chapters 21 – 22
21. No messages in the morning, nothing but that unease of something that went wrong, and the uncertainty of how culpable I am. But this is no different to any of the multitudes of arguments I’ve had with Lana, although (as so many do with relationships) there’s that regret of what might’ve been. I’m too inexperienced in relationships (at least long-term ones) to know if I’m unrealistic, or perhaps I’m too wishy washy to see it for what it is. I have breakfast, brush my teeth (while playing my Words shots), then shower, preparing to sit in front of the computer and try get through some writing before I meet…