Contemporaneous: Chapters 50 – 51
50. I don’t sleep, because although I’m tired, even unnaturally drowsy, sleeping’s for the contented, and all I can think about now is what I do with myself. Lana’s done. I tried the relationship thing. Gone. It’s not her fault – it’s mine, more than anybody’s, because I’ve grown so intolerant, so bedded in expectation of what won’t work. I can’t do that again, can’t try that again. Hopefully, Lana can find somebody who fills her needs. Work? Blah. I should be encouraged that the CEO, Victoria Ellis, considered me to fill in for Autumn. I should. But it’s not gratifying, which tells me it’s not for me, although some…
Contemporaneous: Chapter 45
45. Sunday morning, I’m in bed, drifting in and out of a fitful sleep, an attempt to escape reality, but knowing I’m now at a time in the morning I have to face the day. That truth ushers in an unnavigable dread – this knowing that there’s maybe sixteen waking hours where I have to live in this new reality, but it’s a reality that I don’t want any part of. The worst thing is I don’t see an end to this. Even my relationship with Lana, as inexorable as it might’ve seemed when I was in it, always felt finite. This doesn’t. All that remains is the infinity of…
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