The Other Me
‘The Fugue’ v. Arguably the worst side-effect of Aropax was that it dimmed my imagination – maybe not an issue to many, but for me it was about the worst thing that could happen. Prior to Aropax, I could sit down and write anything any time. I’d written previously through anxiety and depression. Now, I struggled. The thoughts flowed sluggishly. Once I got going, I was okay (but never as fluent as I once was), but it was like whatever doorway into my mind gave me access to my writing had mostly closed. Years later, I read about ruminations, which is to reflect or brood negatively and to rehash a…
The Other Me
‘The Fugue’ ii. One night, I lay on the couch reading – just as I’d done many other nights. Wolf was curled in the chair opposite me, just as she usually was. Then the thought popped in my head to kill her. I saw it clearly: I’d rip her head off. The thought was beyond reprehensible, beyond unconscionable, beyond anything I’d known before, and it terrified me to think that I could be capable of thinking it. I sat up, told myself there was no way I was going to do that, but the violence and aberration of the thought remained, washed over me in a way that I couldn’t…