Nineteen
When I was a kid, my mum would push the bedside drawers against the bed to act as a barrier because I tended to roll out. I eventually outgrew that, but it was a sign of the sleeping troubles I would always have. In my twenties, I had bad insomnia. I grew tolerant to sleeping tablets. My GP tried a range of other medications where drowsiness was a side effect. For a while, I had success with an antihistamine, but once I grew used to those I went back to (one set of) sleeping tablets and briefly grew addicted. The thing with the sleeping tablets is I liked the way…
The Other Me
‘Pharmaceutical Daze’ i. Once I took an Ativan, everything grew still. Peacefulness swept over me. There was no anxiety, no unease of any kind; there was only a relaxation that was euphoric. The Rohypnol was different. When I took one at night, my whole body buzzed, like a bee was zipping around inside my head. Luckily, I was soon asleep, so I didn’t have to put up with the sensation for long. As for the Sinequan, I started with two a night. A month later, that was increased to three. Another month later, it was one in the morning, and three at night. But if they were making me feel…