Contemporaneous: Chapters 50 – 51
50. I don’t sleep, because although I’m tired, even unnaturally drowsy, sleeping’s for the contented, and all I can think about now is what I do with myself. Lana’s done. I tried the relationship thing. Gone. It’s not her fault – it’s mine, more than anybody’s, because I’ve grown so intolerant, so bedded in expectation of what won’t work. I can’t do that again, can’t try that again. Hopefully, Lana can find somebody who fills her needs. Work? Blah. I should be encouraged that the CEO, Victoria Ellis, considered me to fill in for Autumn. I should. But it’s not gratifying, which tells me it’s not for me, although some…
Twelve
Often when I’m sleepless, I wonder about the purpose of life. It’s not procreation. People procreate by accident. Surely a purpose would be harder to come by than that. And it’s not child rearing, because parents mess up their kids plenty. It’s impossible to raise an ideal kid, because everybody’s ideals are different. The best you can hope for is to raise a good person, somebody productive who contributes meaningfully to the world that we live in. But even if that was the case, what are we building to? Some utopia, as displayed in the old series of Star Trek? A world without issues? That doesn’t sound too bad. I…
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