Contemporaneous: Chapters 50 – 51
50. I don’t sleep, because although I’m tired, even unnaturally drowsy, sleeping’s for the contented, and all I can think about now is what I do with myself. Lana’s done. I tried the relationship thing. Gone. It’s not her fault – it’s mine, more than anybody’s, because I’ve grown so intolerant, so bedded in expectation of what won’t work. I can’t do that again, can’t try that again. Hopefully, Lana can find somebody who fills her needs. Work? Blah. I should be encouraged that the CEO, Victoria Ellis, considered me to fill in for Autumn. I should. But it’s not gratifying, which tells me it’s not for me, although some…
Contemporaneous: Chapters 46 – 47
46. I sleep fitfully, drag myself out of bed, then go through my morning routine like it might be any other day, but there’s some weight I’m carrying now – my limbs are leaden, and my back is tight with all these little aches that make me think of writhing maggots. When I get to the work, everybody’s clustered together, huddled, hugging, crying. This is the best we can do in mourning: mourn together. One head of hair stands out – pink. Melody fucking Merlo. Seeing me, she rushes over with the urgency of a girlfriend charging a partner they haven’t seen for a long time, and hugs me so…