11
I lay in bed, caught between sleep and waking, but feeling a peculiar tiredness I’d compare to the lassitude that comes from a sedative. It’s my first bout with Covid – I thought I was going to be invulnerable from it. But waking up with an overwhelming lethargy, I bought a test on the way to work, took it into my makeshift office, and was surprised to see it come up positive. Four years ago, this might’ve terrified me – at the very least, I would’ve worried myself into what might happen. That’s always been my worst enemy: my imagination. But now I only feel disappointment that I’ve tested positive.…
09
I lay in bed, my partner sleeping peacefully besides me. She’s never had any problems getting to sleep. I envy that easiness, that matter-of-factness about her going to bed. She feels no dread. She knows bed means sleep. It’s not something I’ve enjoyed my adult life – but especially now. The tiredness is there. The tiredness is excruciating, weighted in every muscle, heavy in my eyes, and clogged in my head. The tiredness should bully me into sleep. But whatever that last checkpoint is, I never make it. This is sixteen years ago. I’ve ditched Aropax – too abruptly, I learn retrospectively; and following bad medical advice from a psychiatrist…